Back in the early days with Crappy Boy, I couldn't wait for him to no longer use diapers. To be diaper free! Diaper free sucks. Don't fall for that potty training propaganda ...
Once he was out of diapers I realized just how much harder it was. Public bathrooms are not fun places to take grabby kids who like to explore everything. And the toilets aren't exactly the right size for a person who is roughly three feet tall...
I have to go to the bathroom to wash my hands and [my friend's daughter] has to pee. So I offer to take her. She wishes me "good luck" and hums a smug little happy song as we walk away ...
When we get into the bathroom ... it occurs to me that her little girl can't masterfully squat above the toilet seat without touching it like I can ...
The toilet seat cover dispenser is empty ... [so] I get to work making a toilet paper patchwork quilt on the seat ... I have to work very fast because she is doing the pee dance already. I help pull down her underwear to her ankles and start to plop her on the toilet. And then realize that she will just fall straight in if I let go ...
Why is her butt so tiny? This is no good. Oh, I see the problem! Her underwear can't be on both ankles because she needs to spread her legs to anchor herself and balance. So I slip it over one shoe and leave it around the other ankle. I continue to hold her steady ...
And we have pee! I did it! ... As I'm patting myself on the back, I notice her foot. The one with the underwear clinging to it. It is swinging. With two little shakes, the underwear slips over her shoe ... And it falls onto the sticky, urine lacquered floor ... The public toilet is the enemy ...
Once he was out of diapers I realized just how much harder it was. Public bathrooms are not fun places to take grabby kids who like to explore everything. And the toilets aren't exactly the right size for a person who is roughly three feet tall...
I have to go to the bathroom to wash my hands and [my friend's daughter] has to pee. So I offer to take her. She wishes me "good luck" and hums a smug little happy song as we walk away ...
When we get into the bathroom ... it occurs to me that her little girl can't masterfully squat above the toilet seat without touching it like I can ...
The toilet seat cover dispenser is empty ... [so] I get to work making a toilet paper patchwork quilt on the seat ... I have to work very fast because she is doing the pee dance already. I help pull down her underwear to her ankles and start to plop her on the toilet. And then realize that she will just fall straight in if I let go ...
Why is her butt so tiny? This is no good. Oh, I see the problem! Her underwear can't be on both ankles because she needs to spread her legs to anchor herself and balance. So I slip it over one shoe and leave it around the other ankle. I continue to hold her steady ...
And we have pee! I did it! ... As I'm patting myself on the back, I notice her foot. The one with the underwear clinging to it. It is swinging. With two little shakes, the underwear slips over her shoe ... And it falls onto the sticky, urine lacquered floor ... The public toilet is the enemy ...
Read full article at Huffington Post
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